It only takes one egg

Happy 2nd Birthday B and 3 months update

2009-01-05T22:22:00.006-05:00

Sorry it's been so long--I don't even know if anyone out there is still reading this blog. But Happy New Year to all and I hope everyone had a good holiday season.

Happy Birthday B!!! B turned 2 this past Saturday-Jan. 3!!!! I can't believe that this little 5 lbs 15 oz baby 2 years ago is now 2 and is talking and ruling our house! He now weighs 27.1 lbs and 34 3/4 inches! That little peanut is now a big boy!! It is amazing how much he has grown and we are enjoying reliving childhood all over again with him. He learned how to say Merry Christmas by saying "merry crissy!" or "sassa" for santa or "happy new ear" for Happy New year! He is talking 2 word sentences now, which is just amazing. It was hard to imagine this when just last year at this time he can't even say "mama". He is obsessed about writing and pens. He loves to color/scribble and this will keep him entertained for at least an hour. Another obsession is the vacuum cleaner. Due to this obsession, my parents gave him a vacuum cleaner for Christmas and it was a hit!! He plays with that thing for hours!!! And when we take out the real vacuum he loves to mimic us! Oh and the mimicking!! We really need to watch what we say around him now since he loves to repeat what we say. It is hilarious and scary at the same time. The last couple of weeks he started talking about his teachers and school so I think he is getting the "school thing" and he is enjoying it a lot! He remembers all his classmates and what they did in school that day--it is really amazing to watch him go thru all this transition. He is also in the world of the terrible 2's..but that requires an entire post to itself...plus it is his b-day so I we will give him a pass this time and not talk about this at all.

O is doing great! At his 10 week appointment he weighed 12 lbs and 22 1/2 inches long! He is starting to coo and he laughs a lot. He is a very laid back-sometimes I feel guilty because he can sit on the bouncy for hours and not complain. He enjoys it when someone talks to him..I think he wouldn't mind if someone talks to him all day! He gets this from S's mom which is cute for now, but I don't think it will be very cute down the road!! He hates tummy time...oh does he hate it! We try it everyday and if we are lucky if we can get him to do it for about 2 minutes. His head is getting somewhat flat in the back, which concerns me a lot. I've talked to our doctor about it and she said it is okay and normal. It is not severe where he will need a helmet, it will eventually correct itself once he starts getting more mobile. I hope this is true and we are trying to get him off his back more, but it is hard at this age since they sleep so much! ARGH!! He is such a sweet little boy and everyday I can't believe we got lucky 2x-we are very thankful for all of our blessings. I am still pumping and feeding. When I started this ritual again, I told myself I will take it one day at a time--and I was hoping I can last until he was 6 weeks old--I am surprise I am still doing it and he is already 15 weeks old! I don't know how much longer I will do this and I feel good the way things worked out.

I need to write about trying to find a job or the lack of job out there. It is very frustrating and scary--but that is for another post.

Sorry for being gone so long again..but I will really try harder this year!

Finally a post

2008-11-07T15:44:00.005-05:00

Sorry it took me so long to get back to posting. To say that it's been a little hectic around here is an understatement. O turned 6 weeks old last Tuesday and so far we are all doing well. A little tired and sleep deprived, but well otherwise. Life with a toddler and a newborn is hard, but hard in a different way compared to just having a newborn. With B, I was so paranoid and not having any idea what to do with a baby made it such a challenge. Now with O, you know what to expect so a newborn is not as overwhelming. But the challenge is trying to juggle a toddler and a newborn. You forget how often a newborn eats and asking your toddler to wait 45 minutes or so is almost impossible. 45 minutes for them is like an eternity. Having both children cry is something that you have to just accept and get used to. To date I still get frazzled but I keep telling myself that I can't be at the same place at the same time--and I have to admit that it is very hard for me to pick one child over the other--trying to figure out who needs me more. I feel like my days are comprised of feeding. I realized after first few days that I have to schedule O's feeding around B's schedule. Since I really can't feed both kids at the same time(more on the feeding later). Overall, B's been really good with O. He loves him to pieces..he loves to kiss him and constantly calls him his baby. It is super cute.

Now on feeding...I have low supply. Not that this is a surprise, it was the same story with B-even with this knowledge, I still had a hard time accepting it. I refused to pump the first couple of weeks--I think it is because I spent so much time with the darn pump with B. But when it was evident that my supply was really low-not enough to feed O the entire day-I realized that I need to pump or abandoned the entire idea of breast feeding. At the end of the day, the pump won. As much as I couldn't even look at that pump and was so angry for a long time, I took it out and started using it again. I pump 8 times a day..I know I like to torture myself. I still have to supplement with formula. O gets 21 oz of breast milk a day and 8 oz of formula. This is so much better from when we started. With B I was able to give him all bm after 10 weeks I think so I know I will get to that point with O where we don't have to supplement with formula--but I am not sure if I will still be doing this in 10 weeks. Our nanny is still here so this helps a lot. I can pump while she feeds O and the feeding regiment is not such a long ordeal for B. I don't think I can do this without her--it will just be impossible to pump and feed while trying to take care of B at the same time. I am taking it a week at a time and every succesful week of pumping is a victory. I know deep in my heart that I tried my best for my children, not just O, but for both of them, and this is something I can happily lived with.

B is doing well. He is getting his molars right now and it is just a b***h!! He is so congested and today he had a slight fever. He is not sleeping thru the night. Which is very painful--I've been functioning on about 2 hours of sleep the last couple of nights. I finally gave him motrin last night and that worked wonders! He slept until 6 am this morning!!! He continues to amazes us everyday!! His vocabulary is exploding..he just turned 22 months! He is learning so many new words every day. I look at him and I can't believe how grown up he is. It is hard to imagine that at one point he was as small as O. Everyday it seems like he is taller and bigger. I know that in a few months I will be having conversations with him and this just blows my mind away.

This is all for now. I promise not to let another 6 weeks go by without posting--besides I have way too much stuff to write about!

He's Here

2008-10-02T21:42:00.005-04:00

Sorry I took me so long to post this...I've been kind of busy.

Just want to let everyone know that Baby Boy #2 arrived last Tuesday. He was born at 6:26 pm weighing at 5 lbs 13 oz and is 19 inches long. Labor was very quick. I will post the story when I have more time. For now, we are all doing well. B loves his baby brother and walks around the house saying "baby, baby, baby". I hope this continues, but I am afraid the nostalgia will wear off in the next couple of weeks. Breast feeding is a struggle--again another post I need to write about.

For now, here's a picture for you guys. Thanks for all the well wishes.

Full Term??

2008-09-22T15:04:00.002-04:00

According to a website that calculates IVF due dates(which is based on retrieval date), I should be full term today, but according to my doctor's calculation Wednesday is the magic number. So who knows? As you can see in my ticker, I should be full term tomorrow--I picked that date since it is right in the middle of the 2 due dates. The one thing that is for sure is that I have been pregnant longer with this baby compared to my pregnancy with B (I gave birth at 35w6d).

So far everything is going well. I saw the doctor last Thursday and so far nothing is going on down there. Cervix is long and close and not dilated at all. My doctor sent me to the hospital to get a stress test-she was not satisfied with the baby's movement in the u/s, plus I mentioned that the baby is not as active as it used to be-everything is okay. Plus I found out that since I had a pre-term labor before, my muscles didn't really stretch that much, hence I won't feel as much movement with this baby. Huh...who would have thought?? So I go back this Friday I guess at this point we will just take it on a day by day basis. It is kind of weird being in this situation-since B came so early, everything just went in a flash when the birth happened. To say that we were a little unprepared back then is an understatement. Now here we are just sitting and waiting--it is a very weird feeling.

B on the other hand have been really clingy the last week or so. I heard an old wife's tale that if your child is very clingy that labor is just around the corner--who know if this is really true! He just wants mommy all the time. He cries for me at bedtime-which never happened before and won't let S do anything for him. It's very sweet, but when you are as big as a house a little break would be nice. I am starting to get worried about how he will react with a new baby in the house. We've tried to prepare him about the baby--but let's be realistic, how can you really prepare a 20 month old? They understand what a baby is, but nothing really beyond that.

This is it for now...sorry for the boring post, but I will keep you guys posted.

Is there such a thing as equal parenting?

2008-09-11T09:42:00.003-04:00

This is a post long overdue. I've been meaning to write about this for a long time, but I just don't have the energy to do it. Mainly because I don't want to seem like I am complaining or whining, especially after what we went through to have children. But as the due date of baby boy #2 approaches, I see myself getting scared and worried about this situation.

You see, S is a workaholic. Which means that for most of the week, B doesn't see S. S leaves before he gets up in the morning and is well in bed by the time he gets home. The funny thing is that I was always drawn to someone who had a lot of drive and ambition. Maybe it is because I was so driven back then too, therefore I seek out people like me. When we were dating, S would always work late-in the beginning of our relationship we worked at the same firm and I used to make fun of him for turning off the lights. After 5 months of dating, he moved to NYC and his hours just got worst. And it hasn't really changed since then. When we got married, it started to bother me a little bit-there were times that he would get home at 1 am and get up at 5 am and go back to the grind. Yes I know that this is the extreme-and he was working on a major project during this time. We talked about it back then and I reminded him that things needs to change once we have children, and of course his response was that he is working this hard now so that he will have the freedom and flexibility when the time comes-i.e children.

Now that we have B things are somewhat different, but not by much. He still works a lot-he is in an industry where putting in 70-80 hours a week is not unheard of--some junior people are expected to put in 100 hours a week if you can believe that!! B is at that age where he looks for daddy and realizes when he doesn't see him the entire day. He starts to whine for daddy towards the end of the day. And I know that S feels bad about it, but he keeps telling me that he is trying to do his best and it is just the nature of the industry. And since I am no longer working, I know that he feels that pressure of doing better at work-we don't have that security anymore of the double income.

A lot of times I feel like I am a single mom-especially on weekdays. It is not so bad with 1 child-unless of course you are 8 months pregnant, but I know this is temporary. But I am really scared of what it would be like when I have to juggle a newborn and a toddler. Who do you tend to first? What do you do with one child when you are bathing the other or when you are putting one to bed? How about meal times? Since they are different ages at this time they are both going to have different routines. I remember the first few weeks with B when I was so darn tired and could barely keep my eyes open and all I had to worry about was him-but now I have a toddler who is full of energy. I know that it's been done before and I know a lot of women who does it on a daily basis--come to think of it my situation is probably better since S doesn't travel that much. I have a friend whose DH is a consul ant and is on the road Monday thru Thursday--talk about big time crapiness.

When I was single, I always thought that once I got married I will find a partner in life who will share parenting with me 50/50. I figured my future husband will be this person who will be as invested in parenting as I was--who will truly take on 50% of the responsibility. I figured we would share all responsibility-but that would not be the case. Even when I was working, I still took on most of the parenting. When B was in daycare, I did the drop off and the pick up all the time. I had to re-arrange my schedule every time he was sick and had to stay home. Due to S's schedule it just wasn't possible for him to share these responsibilities. I came to realize that I had a good paying job, but at the end of the day and one of us has to quit our jobs to take care of the children, it will be me who will have to quit since I don't make nearly as much as S and I can probably find a new job quicker than him-sad but true. When I was still working and B was in daycare, weekdays were super crazy. I had to run out of the office to pick him up. Prepare his dinner, feed him, bath him and put him to bed. I felt like I was chicken without a head running around for a couple of hours.

So here I am awaiting baby #2. Scared of what lies ahead and how to do it all. I can't even imagine what life will be like if and when I decide to go back to work. As I said, I know a lot of wonderful mothers who do it, I guess I just need to dive into and figure it out. I have 2 choices, sink or swim and I am determined to swim.

*******
I am currently 35w2d. B was born when I was 35w6d. If history repeats itself, I could possibly have this baby 4 days. I am hoping this is not the case--I am hoping and praying that this baby stays in a little longer. Cross your fingers.

Random Stuff

2008-09-02T09:58:00.002-04:00

Not much going on around here...still P-34 weeks and counting. I've been feeling very tired lately, but I guess that comes with the territory. Sleeping is a little bit of a challenge. I really can't find a comfortable position and I go to the bathroom like every 45 minutes! Not fun at all. This past weekend, 2 people looked at me and said I was ready to pop. Gee thanks, guys. I thought I was looking pretty good--as of last check up my weight gain is on the low side-12 pounds. But I guess my stomach is just huge-one of those in your face type thing. I feel much bigger than when I was P with B, but I think a part of this is that I just really can't remember how huge I was back then.
***************
B's been having problems with pooping lately. He is chronically constipated. Yes, fun stuff. A few weeks ago I called the doctor b/c I just felt so bad for him. When he is trying to poop, and it is right there just trying to come up, he cries and cries b/c he can't push it out. Sorry for TMI. And he refuses to walk or do anything--all he wants is for Mama to hold him. Sometimes he can manage to push it out on his own-but this is after lots of crying and grunting and pushing. But we've had times where I had to put a suppository up there. I feel so bad every time I do it-but it works. After a few minutes he manages to get a bowel movement. I feel so bad for the little guy. I've tried everything, we've been loading him up with fiber and it works for a few days then then eventually he is back to being constipated. He hardly drinks milk as it is-he really doesn't like it-we are lucky if he will drink 10 oz a day! I talked to my doctor about this, since the minimum they want to see is 15 oz-but since he is always constipated, she said that if he gets 12 oz a day it should be sufficient. We don't even get to 12 oz, but I try not to worry about it since I know milk doesn't help his situation. I just hope he outgrows this.
*******
B turns 20 months tomorrow. I can't believe it! He is so much more vocal now-although half the time we have no idea what he is saying. He tries to imitate every thing you say--he has a few words like baby, car, park, sit teeth etc-but most of the time he can only say 1 syllable. He will say "sh for shoes or ma for monkey". It is very cute. At the same time we are entering the world of terrible twos! The little guy thinks that he rules the world and if he doesn't get his way we get lots and lots of crying and whining. We have some really bad days sometimes, where we just fight with him all day long. S's wants to push his bedtime to 8 pm vs. 7:30 pm so that he can get more time to play with him after work, but 2 weeks ago, after spending the entire day with B- S looked at me and said "sorry for suggesting a later bedtime, now I realize it's not if he can stay up that late, but it's more for you-after a full day of this I can see why that half hour is critical to keep your sanity!" Amen!
********
I don't think I've ever mentioned our landlord on this blog-she is this really sweet 80 year old lady. Sometimes when I call her I am not sure if she is all together there or if she remembers our conversation. I called her last week about an issue with our bathroom. We started talking and she asked me how I was feeling. I said I was okay. She said she was hoping that I was having a girl and I told her we were having a boy--her response was "oh don't worry dear, they can change their mind later!!" I was cracking up! The funny thing was that she said this 2x without even blinking. I told S and we just both started laughing-at least she is very open minded!!
********
I guess this is all for now. I am getting a massage tomorrow-which I am excited about. I still have to purchase a stroller--boo hoo. I am so torn about which one to buy and it's not like they will come out with the perfect double stroller in the next month or so! I should just go ahead and bite the bullet. If this baby decides to pull a B, we might be going into labor in less than 2 weeks!! I am hoping and praying that this is not the case. I have an appointment on Thursday and I am hopeful that the cervix is still nice and long! Cross your fingers!

Sorry for the long silence...

2008-08-16T22:50:00.000-04:00

Yes, I am still alive...sorry for the lack of updates. I really don't have any excuse..I read blogs everyday(at least I try to) and comment but I find it hard to update my blog. I think because I feel like I keep saying the same things over and over again-P is going well, B is thriving blah blah blah...I guess sometimes I feel like I am starting to sound like a broken record. So please be patient. I do have a lot of other things that I want to talk about like how everyday I am think about how and when I will go back to the working world. Thinking about it makes me hyperventilate-I guess I am more stress about it than I want to admit.

Here are a few updates-last Thursday night we had a little scare..when I went to the bathroom I looked at the TP and found a little bit of red blood! I tried to convince myself that since it was so small there is nothing to worry about, but it was hard to believe that since I never had any bleeding with B. I decided to sit it out and see what will happen the rest of the night and luckily that was the only incident. I was still concerned about it so I called my doctor the next day and they wanted me to come in. I was worried about seeing my doctor b/c she keeps mentioning bed rest and I am just not ready to do this. Of course if I have to do it, I will do it--S and I will just have to figure out how to do it with a 19 month old and S working full time. We still have our nanny-which is probably one of the best decisions we've made-we will need to work around S's work schedule somehow--ie my DH is a workaholic and is out of the house an average of 14-15 hrs a day! Yes, I feel like a single mom--which is another post that I've been meaning to write about.

To make a long story short, I went to see the doctor and everything seems to be okay. I guess I have a mild case of yea.st infection-which she said is not common not to know when you are P-and she thinks this caused the bleeding. I didn't know this was possible. She checked my cervix and it is nice and long-she is concerned about this due to the preterm labor with B. They are starting to check my cervix at every visit..oh fun stuff. So no bed rest-woo hoo-but I do have to go back next week for another check up--I'll take that.

Other things that are keeping me occupied the last couple of weeks-I can't believe my ticker says that I only have 59 days to go!! Holy cow!!!

Double Strollers-who would have thought this would consume so much of my time. I know what I want-side by side, something that takes a car seat, easy to maneuver with 2 children of different weights and compact. Sounds simple..yeah right!! First of all most double strollers weighs about 30 pds before any children!!! I learned from all this research that there is no such things as a perfect double stroller. S is tired of listening to me doing my pros and cons, I really can't blame him. I still haven't bought one or decided on which one to buy. I guess I just hate making a decision and fear that I will regret it later-especially since the ones I am considering are all on the more expensive side.

Chest-this is the one thing that I actually purchased. Now I need to go thru all of B's baby clothes and sort them out. The baby room is half cleaned out-it looks like a tornado hit it. It is an understatement for me to say that we have some work to do it that room.

Bottles-I am going to try to BF. As most of you know, I had a really hard time with BFing with B-a big part of this was his premature birth and he was given a bottle as soon as he was born. He didn't know how to suck and while we were at the hospital we had to feed him with a syringe a few times. This really set us back with BF and by the time he mastered sucking he was so used to the bottle that we just couldn't go back. My solution was to exclusively pump and feed for 6 months! It was the hardest thing I've ever done and to this day I can't believe I lasted that long. I will try to BF this time and I am hoping that it will go much better. I don't think I can do the pump and feed for 6 months! I told Electriclady to smack me if I get delusional and try this stint again. Even if I BF, I will still need bottles just for me to get a break once in a while. Yes, I will pump but I am hoping not at the same capacity. Due to all the BPA controversy, I decided to get new bottles. I know what to buy, I just need to get my act together and actually buy them.
Crib-this is still a big debate in our household. I go back and forth about buying one or transitioning B to a big boy bed. For now we decided to wait until December. The new baby will be in our room for about 3 months and at that point we will decide if B is ready or not. I just don't want to force him out of the crib since he is such a good sleeper. The last thing I need is a newborn and a toddler who refuses to sleep!

These are the major stuff--there are other stuff like diapers and unpacking all of B's baby stuff(bassinet, car seat, etc), but as I said earlier, according to my ticker I still have 59 days to go...not the time to panic yet. Unless of course the baby decides to pull a B-come a month early!! Keep your fingers cross ladies!

Off topic-Need some advice

2008-07-27T20:30:00.002-04:00

This is completely off topic, but I don't know who to talk to about this so I am turning to all my blog friends. Last October, S and I attended a wedding. It was a very lovely wedding and we had a great time. The bride and groom are both very successful and already have most of the stuff they need for their home-so in lieu of gifts they suggested charitable donations to their favorite organizations. We are the type of couple who always go to their registry to purchase gifts-this way we know that they are getting something that they really want. Therefore, when we got this note, S and I decided to donate to the 3 organizations they selected. For 2 of the 3 groups, we were asked if we were giving this as a gift so we were able to provide their names. For one of the organization, we were not asked(I did it on line so there was no spot to even mention that this was for a wedding registry). We got confirmation that all 3 organizations received our donation. Here is where I need help-we never received a thank you note from the couple. Now this is the first time I ever made a donation as a gift-do any of you know if they just forgo all thank you notes? I guess I just want to make sure that bride and groom is aware that we made those donations on their behalf-and I don't want them to think that we totally blew off their wedding present. Should we say something? And what should we say? How do we even bring up this topic? Or should I just let it go and assume that they know? I guess I just don't want to be labeled as that couple who went to our wedding and never gave us a gift.

PS. I know that they technically have a year to send out thank you notes...but they just had twins and I sent the twins baby gifts and we already received a thank you note for that--so this shows that they don't' blow off thank you notes--at least that's how I interpret it.

Airports and Airlplanes

2008-07-23T11:13:00.002-04:00

Since we found out that #2 was arriving early this year, we decided that we should take a few trips before the big arrival--because who knows when we will be able to travel again. My guess is not at all.

The vacations were all good. We travelled to Can.cun, Chi.ca.go and Atl.anta in the last 7 weeks. This means that we got on a plane 6 times with a toddler. Fun stuff. The trip on the way to can.cun was a little painful. They let us bored the plane and realized that we had a flight tire so they had to fix that which meant we had to sit inside the plane for an hour doing nothing!! Not so bad if you don't have a toddler. B was doing well, until the end of that hour...he just wanted out of his car seat!! Screaming and crying ensued and the guy across from us kept giving us the evil eye. Sorry buddy--I don't like it as much as you do. Once we were on the air, it took B a few minutes to settle down and he was able to sleep for about 1 1/2. Coming home was a different story. They recommend that you arrived at the airport 3 hours in advance in Can.cun--so like good citizens we followed this rule--only to find out that our flight was 2 hours delayed! Great. But not the end of the world--it is better to get stuck inside the airport than a plane with a toddler. We finally left Can.cun 4 hours after our original departure--once we were in the air B was asleep(thanks to a lot of walking and exploring around the airport). Unfortunately we were towards the back of the plane and there were a lot of commotion from the flight attendants, plus they were serving beverage. To make a long story short, all that noise woke B up after an hour. He was okay for a little bit, but once we reach Virginia we were informed that were thunderstorms and we have no clearance to fly to J.F.K at this point so we need to do circles around the area...for an hour!!! At this point it was already 10 pm way pass B's bedtime so to say he was hysterical doesn't even do it justice. We finally landed, after getting our bags and getting thru customs we finally made it home at 1:30 AM!!!!

A month after that trip, we braved it again and got on another plane to Chi.ca.go. Again, on the way there everything was perfect. B was happy and even flirting with all the women. Coming home was another story. We were once again delayed in Chi.ca.go. After 3 hours, our flight was cancelled. This was problematic since we were flying to a much smaller airport closer to our house, which means that we don't have a lot of options in terms of flights. To make a long story short, we had to fly into a different airport, call a car service to pick us up and drive us to the original airport to pick up our car. Our original flight was supposed to leave at 1:25. we left Chi.cago at 8 pm and arrived home at 12:30 AM!!! B was hysterical the first 30 minutes of the flight b/c he was so tired and he couldn't find a comfortable spot to sleep. The poor lady in front of us tried to offer some help-maybe because she can't stand listening to a screaming baby--but there really was nothing she can do.

A week after this, we once again got on a plane to go to Atl.anta. The flight both inbound and outbound was good--although we almost didn't get on the flight home since S didn't get a seat assignment and the flight was overbooked. I was dreading the flight due to our past history but no delays this time. But of course everything can't be perfect. When we got to the airport our main bag was no where to be found. We had to file a claim for it and it was finally delivered 24 hours later.

As you can see, I am not very eager to get on another plane or spend a single minute at an airport for a very long time. Today marks 28 weeks-so even if I wanted to fly I can't. Let's just say I am not disappointed about this at all--it is nice to be home. And I learned that yes, I have to respect all the other passangers and try to make their experience as pleasant as possible. But if you have a screaming child that you can't console-you heart just breaks and all you want to do is make you child feel better-no matter how many evil stares and looks you get. At the end of the day, my child's well being is the most important thing and he doesn't understand what is going on while a 40 year old man/woman should. You want to believe that they would be more understanding, but unfortunately that is not to be.

18 Months!!

2008-07-11T13:43:00.003-04:00

I can't believe B turned 18 months last week! We are definitely entering the terrible two stage. There's been so much changes with B in the last few months that it is so amazing to watch. The 18 month check up went really well-he now weighs 24 pds 15 oz and is 33 1/2 long! Everything is on track developmentally! Woo-hoo!

First of all his language/vocabulary is changing everyday. He is finally saying Mama and knows what it means! The other day I was playing with him and pretended I was sleeping. He came over to me and handed me a book to read--and I kept on "sleeping"..he did his normal practice of getting my attention by shaking my leg/arm and saying "eh". After a couple of seconds and I wasn't responding he shook me again and said "Mama" and that just melted my heart. He can say a few words like, bo for book, ba for ball, ca for car, bah bah bor bye bye, baby, dada, mama. He points to my belly and keeps saying baby which I thought was really cute, until lately he points to everyones belly and says baby. I think he thinks that baby means belly--hmn..hopefully we won't offend anyone until he figures out the difference.

He is getting really good with sign language. He mastered "more" in one day! Which is good and bad. At least now he can tell us if he wants more food or if he wants to ride his toy car a little longer. Sometimes he will give us the sign "more" and "finish" at the same time-which makes things very confusing. I started teaching him some sign language just a few weeks ago and I am very pleased with the outcome so far.

He is also learning matching things. He finally mastered his sorter box and I was so proud of him. A few weeks ago, he knew probably 2 of the 6 shapes but all of a sudden, one day, he was able to match all the shapes with the box! I think at this point I realize that he is really starting to understand more and more things.

He is they type of boy who knows what he wants and is pretty stubborn--thanks to daddy's genes. He is starting to cry for things and sometimes won't stop until he gets his way. He plays pretty well with kids, although I am starting to notice that he is beginning to be very territorial with his toys. I think this is every mother's biggest nightmare! I know he needs to go thru this stage to learn how to share, but it is very embarrassing around other parents when your child is snatching away toys from their children. One other thing that he started doing is biting!! Oy vey!!! So far he only bites us and not other kids but we are trying really hard to nip this in the bud, but sometimes it is very hard to try to reason with an 18 month old.

***Some other updates***

My ex company settled...surprisingly. The agreed to change my classification and threw in $500-gee thanks. I think the company lawyer is the one who threw this in the package since DH and I know him really well-I am not sure if I ever mentioned that DH worked at my said company for 7 years. I got the final papers yesterday. I am so happy to get this behind me-I am sad that we even had to go this far.

On the P front-I went to the doctor last week and found out I gained 10 pds in 4 1/2 weeks!! Holy crap! My doctor was concerned b/c as of 20 weeks I haven't gained anything and she told me that I need to start gaining a pound a week going forward. Well, I did more than that!!! I guess this is what happens if you eat tiramasu or ice cream or a milk shake every night!! Everything else is going well--but I did cut down on the sweets!

Where things stand

2008-06-25T14:17:00.004-04:00

We sent the letter out to my ex-company Monday morning. It is actually a very "soft" letter. All I am asking for is for them to change my classification from voluntary to involuntary. At the end of the day this is all we are asking for--to simply allow me to collect unemployment. After talking to my lawyer, we didn't want them to be on the defensive right at the bat--therefore we are not asking for the "stars and the moon" right off the bat. If they decide that they will reject or say no to this first request, our second round will be a lot more demanding. Since I have 8 years of history with this company I really didn't want to make this more ugly that it is already. Plus I really want to convey to my bosses and I am not after the company money--I am simply asking to collect what I believe I deserve.

The last couple of days have been really weird. Once that letter went out I was practically cut off from everything with my ex-employer. First I get an email from the admin asking about my vacation days...next another email from my boss regarding sending back my computer and badge..then I have no access to the network. All of these just seems so hostile--I guess I knew this was going to happen but I just didn't expect to feel like such a criminal. I spoke to my old boss-who is still with the company, but she is now with another department. She was the one who hired me and I reported to her for 5 years--I LOVED HER!! I told her how I felt and was in tears talking to her and she was made me feel so much better. She reminded me that I did not do anything wrong and I am being treated very unfairly. She actually can't believe how things are turning out. I can't either and i get a knot in my stomach every time I think about it. I wish things turned out differently. So now we wait and see what they will come back with. I have a feeling that they will reject this letter-even though it is in their best interest to agree and just let this rest--but knowing who I am dealing with, this scenario will not happen.

On the P front, I am doing well. I had a doctor's appointment this morning that I totally forgot...okay I didn't forget, I thought my appointment was tomorrow. The problem with my clinic is that they don't call you to remind you about your appointments--so it is up to all the pregnant people to be on top of their appointment. Probably not a good idea since our brain cells seems to dissaapear during this time period. I felt really bad, but I was able to re-schedule my appointment for Monday.

Ending an 8 Year Relationship

2008-06-18T22:06:00.003-04:00

I don't even know where to start with this post. As most of you already know, I am being let go from my job at the end of this month. The past couple of weeks I've been trying to work with my company about certain items that I think I am entitled to. I haven't blog about this because it is a very upsetting subject for me. Today was the icing on the cake.

Let me tell you the guys the scenario--I will try to make it short. We moved out east in June of last year. At that point I asked my said company if I can transfer to the NYC office since I wanted to keep working. They told me that we might be able to work something out. I took a 2 month leave of absence to move my family and in August I went back to work with the initial agreement of a 3 month employment. During that 3 months I was extended until March and then until June. Throughout that time, my boss was trying to find help me get a more permanent position. In April of this month, I was told that my employment was going to end at the end of June.

I was told earlier that I am not eligible for a severance package since I was the one who asked to be transferred to NYC and they were trying to accommodate me. Fine..I don't agree with this but I will not fight it. S was more upset than I was-I told S I didn't want to burn any bridges since I've worked for this company for 8 years and I am hoping that maybe somewhere down the line I can do some contract work with them(which will probably never happen at this point, but I really don't care anymore). In the meantime, I wanted to talk to them about continuing my health insurance-due to my pregnancy and we already fulfilled all the deductible this year. It will be very costly to transfer mid year to S's insurance since we will have to start all over again. In addition, I wanted to make sure that I can collect unemployment insurance since I am not resigning and I am being laid off I felt that I deserve this benefit. I figured I will get some resistance on the medical insurance but I shouldn't get any resistance on the unemployment benefit since it really will not cost the company any money with this. This is a deduction out of my own paycheck that I paid monthly.

So this is when things start to get ugly. When I asked about the health insurance I was told that I can't stay on since I am not on the payroll--if I was on severance then this is a non-issue. I was upset about this but I got over it. It is not the end of the world, we have S's insurance. On the unemployment benefit, my boss informed me that this was a "slum dunk" since I was not quiting and she talked to the head of HR and they said it should be okay. I was okay with this--at least I am getting unemployment--which was my right since I paid into the system.

Yesterday, I emailed HR to get some guidance on how to apply for unemployment. I wasn't sure which state to apply to-I live in one state, work in another state and my co is based in a different state. She informed me that I will probably not be eligible for unemployment since in my record states that it is a voluntary resignation. Remember my boss said this was a "slum dunk" so I emailed her to clarify what was going on. She said she will get back to me. I also needed a letter to give to S's employer about my termination-since it is not an enrollment period for them for health insurance. I received an email from a different HR lady informing me that my letter is in the mail, but it is very vague--and again reiterated that in my file is says that I am voluntarily resigning.I was very upset with this and I emailed my boss and told her that I appreciated everything she's done for me but this is not something I can accept since it is not right. I never gave them a resignation, instead I was told that my last day of employment is at the end of this month. In addition, this might cause some issues in transferring health insurance since I have a pre-existing condition.

To make a long long story not so long...I received an email today and my boss stated that the reason it says voluntary is because my employment was always temporary and there was never a position in NY. I can file for unemployment and it is up to the state if I am eligible for one or not. In addition, since I already transitioned most of my project-I can take the rest of the month off if I wish.

In one email I saw my 8 loyal years with a company down the drain. Oh and I was told in thru email that today was my last day at my job! I wanted to do handle this in the most civilized way. But now they are forcing me to take some legal actions--it is just not about me anymore, it is about my family. What erks me about the entire situation is the unemployment benefits--it is not costing them a single penny!!! If I was not pregnant this will be a non-issues since I can go interview for a job, but in my current state I am out of the market until the end of the year. Who in their right mind will hire a woman who is 6 months pregnant??? And we are still waiting on word about the health insurance with S's company-their HR department is checking this for us. We have an appointment with a lawyer tomorrow-I will keep you guys posted. Right now I am full of anger and bitterness towards a company that I worked my behind off for 8 years.

I can't believe I just did that

2008-06-17T12:05:00.002-04:00

****Warning TMI**** If you can't handle poop stories you might want to stop reading now****

You know you entered a different kind of world when you scoop out poop out of a diaper and put it in a cup and take it to a lab for testing. Yes ladies...that's what I had to do this morning. I never imagined in my wildest dreams that I would ever have to ever handle/examine any poop in my entire life-I don't even like dog poop! B's been suffering from diarrhea since we got back from Can.cun. It got better mid last week and I thought we were getting over this awful episode. We went to the doctor on Thursday to get some shots so I figured it won't hurt for them to check him since he had the said diarrhea. The doctor said that he looks good but if it doesn't go away in a couple of days I need to give them a "sample" so they can check it out further.

So I thought it was over...his poop was getting less and less wet even though he was still pooping about 3x a day--which is a lot for him-and since he was just getting over the diarrhea I wasn't really that worried about it. After a weekend of solid poop, yesterday we went downhill. During the day he was fine but last night he had another wet one. And then morning was even worst!! So as much as I dreaded scooping out poop out of a diaper-(the doctor told me I need a couple of tablespoon) I had to do it. After I sealed it up, I drove to the lab to drop it off. I told the nice receptionist I had a stool sample and she didn't even want anything to do with it. I really can't blame her. She asked me to drop it off the bin and took my paper work.

Now we wait and see for the results. I feel bad for the poor soul whose job is to perform the "poop tests". I don't think you can pay me enough money to do that kind of job.

It's a.....

2008-05-29T22:54:00.004-04:00

BOY! Yup, we are having another boy. We are really excited and happy--yes it would have been nice to have a girl, but that is just not in the cards for us. Maybe down the road I can convince S about the frosties...but right now that is way way far down the road. Plus, maybe Dr. K and the embryologist only produce male embryos for us. Hehe. I think it will be great for B to have a playmate!

Okay..have to go to bed since we have to get up early for our trip tomorrow!

Half way and other stuff

2008-05-27T15:09:00.001-04:00

I am officially at my halfway point with this P. It is pretty unbelievable--it started out pretty rocky but the last couple of weeks things have been good. Other than my growing belly-which is the biggest part of the P- and a little aches and pains there are really no other P signs. I didn't really have a lot of morning sickness or cravings. Maybe I caught a break this time since I had other stuff to worry about-like the multiple sacs. I think now that I am half way, I really need to start thinking about things that we need to get done--for example where to put the baby, furniture, double stroller and preparing B. I am not really sure how to do that last item, I thought of buying some big brother books and reading it to him, but I am not sure if he will really get it. A part of me believes that I can try and try but nothing can really prepare him until the baby is here--I think it is the same approach for the parents too! We think we are ready for 2 but until they are both home, I don't think we know what we are getting ourselves into. We are going for our 20th week u/s this Thursday and I think we will find out the sex. I am still on the fence with it, there are days that I want to know, but I also remember how much fun it was not knowing if B was a boy or a girl! It might be one of those decisions we will make during the actually u/s!

Now the other stuff--we went away this weekend to Eastern Ct for the holiday weekend. It was a lot of fun-for the most part. We saw some beluga whales and some tall ships and had some really good seafood! B is a pretty good traveler. He is pretty content being in the car and for the most part enjoys the scenery or he would take a nap. The bad part is the nap and bedtime routine. B is a really good sleeper-we have our routine down and everyone one in the family is pretty happy. He is a really good sleeper-he naps 2-3 hours a day and goes down at 7:30 pm and wakes up between 6:30-7:00 am. We've been very lucky so we are not complaining. The problem is when we are away from our house-like this weekend. He gets really confused and doesn't know what to do with himself. The first night we were away, we attempted to put him in his pack-n-play but he screamed bloody murder!! Because we were staying in a hotel we didn't want him to keep crying and disturbing other hotel guests, so after about 5 minutes of screaming we broke down and put him in bed with us. It was only 7:45 pm-we decided to turn off all the lights and lay with him until he falls asleep. Great idea at first, but it took almost 1 1/2 hours for him to go down! He kept trying to get up and wanted to walk. There was a mirror at the opposite wall of the bed, so he kept getting up and he would look at himself and crack up. Finally, he went down, but since we are not used to sharing a bed with him, and he sleeps like an octopus, S and I didn't really sleep. B was all over the place and we didn't want to move him in fear of waking him up! The next night was a little better, we put the pack-n-play next to our bed. We let him run around the room until he was tired-it didn't matter if it was past his bed time. When he went to bed, he cried a little, not as bad as the first night and he crashed after about 10 minutes. He did wake up about 2 times in the middle of the night, but I think overall it was better than Saturday night.

Other than the bedtime struggles, B was the typical 16 month old. All he wanted is to walk and not be confined in his stroller. We let him walk around, but we pay for it when it is time for him to get back on the stroller or his car seat. He fights us-kicks and screams!!! I guess I can't really blame him knowing that once he is strapped in--he has not control on when he will get his freedom again. One of the worst meltdown happened this weekend-when he just refused to be carried or be put in the stroller--we were inside a playhouse and it was time to go and he wasn't really ready yet. We thought if we took him out to the boats he will forget about the playhouse and focus his attention on the boat. Boy we were so WRONG!!! This caused a major meltdown where I felt like all the parents were just looking at us! It felt like it lasted hours, but I am pretty sure it was only 10 minutes or so...needless to say it was still 10 minutes too long.

We are home for now....we are headed to Me.xi.co on Friday. I hope this long weekend prepared me for the upcoming trip-or at least I know what to expect. If we find out the sex of the baby I will try to post before we leave...but if not, sorry ladies I will update you when I return!

Sentimental

2008-05-05T10:35:00.002-04:00

This weekend was really nice. S has been super busy with work hence he's been working really late-we are talking about leaving at 6:30 am and not getting home until 11 pm. I stopped complaining about it so much-at least I try to since I know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. He is working on a major project that will hopefully will end by next Monday! Yippee!! Due to the long hours he hasn't really seen B that much lately. And this was apparent this weekend since B was having a love fest with his Daddy. All he wanted was "dada". He would walk around and just kept saying "dada, dada". He would whine when he leaves the room and wouldn't stop until he returns. It was actually really cute to watch.

So last night--we did our nightly ritual whenever S is home-before bedtime we play music and we each pick a different instrument and play along. S played the tambourine, I played the drums and B picked up his shakers. It is really funny since B really gets into it. After the song, I looked at S and his eyes were really red and tears were just about to fall. I asked him what was wrong and he answered.."nothing..he is just growing up so fast". Good lord, this just broke my heart. Good thing S scooped B up to go to his room for story time and bedtime--so I was left in the leaving room, in peace crying and realizing that S is more affected by this parenting thing that I thought. I know he loves being a dad and absolutely loves B, but this is a side of him I've never seen. I am supposed to be the sap in the family, the one who cries at every milestone. I wish I can bottle this moment and someday S and I can re-lived all the wonderful times with B...because before you know it he will be all grown up and will have kids of his own.

Catching Up

2008-04-29T15:21:00.002-04:00

Hi...sorry I was MIA for so long. I've been swamp with work (you would think that since I am joining the unemployment line in the next couple of months that I would just be cruising and kicking back--well not in this case). Things are going good. I met my new OB last Friday and she seems nice. It is a very small practice-only 2 doctors. I am not used to this-but maybe it is a good thing. I guess we just have to wait and see. The baby is doing well and measuring right on track. I still have 3 sacs, but they are so small compared to the baby so I am feeling so much better--I think I can say that they are almost a non issue. I don't have to go every 2 weeks anymore, my next appointment is not until the 22nd of May. I still haven't really told people, I have no idea what I am waiting for. Of course, people around here know since you really can't hide it anymore(and we really don't know anyone out here), but our close friends and family outside of CT, which most of them are, have no idea. S said, it is easy to hide when no one can see you!!!

On the B front, he is doing perfect. We went to his 15 month appointment a couple of weeks ago and he weighs 23.6 pds and 32 1/2 inches long!! He is slim and skinny--okay, well he really doesn't look that skinny! The last couple of weeks he's been very vocal and just a chatter box. Granted we don't understand anything he is saying, but it is nice to hear him vocalize himself. He also dropped his morning nap, but now we need to work on getting his afternoon nap in a more normal time. He goes down around 12:30 and I am hoping eventually that will be pushed to around 1 or 1:30. It such a difference now that he only takes 1 nap...I feel like we have this chunk in the morning where we can do stuff because we don't have to worry about the morning nap!

There is one thing that B started doing that worries me a little. Lately, he's been into humping. Yes you heard me right ladies, humping!!! I was so beside myself the first time I saw it. There are 2 things that he "enjoys" humping, his monkey blanket and his sippy cup!!!! I have no idea what to do. If he does it in front of us, we take the item away-usually his sippy cup-and we say that this is a no, no. But I am pretty sure he lays in his crib and humps the monkey to no end!!! Have you guys heard of anything like this? I go.gg.led it and found out that this is normal, mostly it starts at 2 and girls are more likely to do it than boys!!! I am too embarrass to ask our doctor, but I think I will have too, but we are not going to see her until July!!! I know this is a normal thing, and everything I read said this is normal--but I guess I just didn't expect it from an almost 16th month old boy!!! I get pictures in my head that he will be this se.xu.al ma.ni.ac or something--I know I am overreacting, but this really worries me.

On another topic, we were supposed to take a family vacation to Ma.zat.lan this May but since S is so busy with work and they have a major project that keeps getting pushed back, we had to cancel our trip. Needless to say I was very upset, angry, etc. If I wasn't P, it won't be a big deal since we can just re-schedule to another time, but with the P we are kind of in a time line. To make a long story short, we had to pick another destination and start from scratch. We can't go to Ma.zat.lan since we are only going for 6 days vs. our original 8 days and the flight alone takes almost a full day. We need a destination that is a direct flight and a short flight-around 4 hours. So we decided to go to Can.cun. I am not too happy about this, but it is better than not going on vacation at all. The resort is beautiful so that is a plus, but I know that the surrounding area caters to younger crowd. Oh well, as long as we stay in the resort we should have a good time.

Well, this is all for now ladies...sorry for the long post!

Still Here

2008-04-03T13:50:00.000-04:00

Sorry for taking so long to update. I think part of the reason that I haven't updated is that I just feel like I sound like a broken record--I don't have anything new to report other than I am still P and that there are still uninvited sacs present in my uterus. I went back for a f/u today and they found 3 sacs plus the baby-last week at my NT scan they found 2. I wasn't jumping up and down for joy when I heard this because I wanted a second u/s to confirm that there were indeed only 2 sacs left. After my experience a couple of weeks ago, I knew that I can't celebrate right away. Things are progressing nicely with the baby. The NT scan showed that he/she has a very low chance of downs so that is a good thing. I have 1 more appointment with Dr. Midwest(in 2 weeks) and then I transfer to the new OB. I try to just focus on the baby at this point. I keep thinking that these sacs are so small that eventually the baby will just take over the space. I am entering my 2nd trimester and I feel like the last few weeks all I can think about are these sacs that I forget what is really important. I want to enjoy this P and not be so overly concerned about things that I can't control. I figured at this point, what ever happen will happen and there is nothing I can do about it. The baby is growing well and there is nothing to be worried about. 12 weeks down, 28 weeks more to go-I hope.

I finally broke down this week and wore a maternity top! I was trying to hold off for so long--I think mentally I wasn't ready to take them out. Not that I don't like/enjoy that I am pregnant-but I was well into my 2nd trimester(I believe it was in the 17th or 18th week) the first pregnancy before I put on a maternity outfit. I knew that with the 2nd P you pop out sooner and your body knows what to do and everything is all stretched out. But I wasn't ready for this at 8 or 10 weeks!!! But you know it is time to surrender when your nanny says something about your outfit!!! So as of yesterday I started wearing maternity top. I wasn't ready for the pants yet, until today when Dr. Midwest mentioned that it might be time for new pants!!! Boy, was I embarrassed!!! So here I am barely at 12 weeks and I think I need to throw the towel and accept that fact that I won't make it to 17 weeks, it's time.

On the B front, well he is actually 15 months today!!! I can't believe it. He is growing so much and getting into everything. He is still not fully walking, but he can take a few steps at a time. Last week he took 14 steps on his own without falling!!! I am so proud of him. I also think he is transitioning to 1 nap a day. I noticed that if he takes his morning nap, it is almost impossible for him to go down for an afternoon nap. We would put him in his crib and he will talk to himself and his monkey blanket for an hour!!! I guess the upside is that he is not screaming or crying. So I think we will try to transition him to 1 nap a day and see how this will work out. He babbles a lot-but we are still working on him saying mama--oh well, I know he will get there. He loves playing his drums and any other musical instruments he can get his hands on. I guess those music classes are really paying off! Every night before bedtime, he listens to music and plays along with S--it is super cute to watch. He is such a happy boy and we are so blessed to have him.

A Step backwards

2008-03-24T14:21:00.002-04:00

Sorry it took me so long to write an update. With the Easter weekend things just got a little crazy around here. Had a follow up appointment on Thursday and unfortunately they found 4 sacs this time. I think the u/s a week ago was a fluke...the 4th was probably there and they just didn't see it. The sacs are the same size as they originally were(this means that they haven't decreased in size since the very 1st u/s with the R/E). This wasn't really a very encouraging news. Dr. Midwest said that as long as the baby is growing nicely, the mysterious sacs will hopefully just dissolve. I am still crossing my fingers. I am entering my 11th week this week and it scares me that these sacs are still an issue as I enter my second trimester. It makes me very hesitant to share the p news with friends and family. S thinks that we should go ahead and tell people-he claims that what difference does it really make? Hopefully, these mysterious sacs are a non issue and the baby will continue to develop. But I am little hesitant--I guess I want everything to clear up before we start sharing our news. I don't like the unknown factor about it and I feel like I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. I am afraid that once we tell people, something bad will happen and we have to face explaining what went wrong to everyone.

I got some more bad news last week-Dr. Midwest called me last week to personally inform me that their practice is dropping their OB practice on Aug. 31st!!! She said that she will continue seeing me thru my first trimester(which is only a week from now) and then I have to find a new doctor--obviously we need someone to deliver this baby. ARGH!!! I am so frustrated and mad about this. I know it is not something that I can control, but with all these complications, the last thing I need right now is to search for a new doctor. Since I don't know anyone out here, I just have to go with the doctors that she recommends-which by the way she doesn't really have any specific doctor that she wants me to go with. She said that they will make sure that they transfer all my files and u/s to the new clinic and she will talk to my new doctor in person about my case. As of now, I made an appointment with a doctor on April 16th. I still have 1 more appointment with her this week for my NT scan. I think I will call her and ask her if I can keep coming in for monitoring until I go to the new doc since I still have all these mysterious sacs. I am crossing my fingers that she will be okay with that.

Oh...things are just not getting any easier......

3 is better than 5-at least in this case

2008-03-13T10:42:00.002-04:00

Went back to see Dr. Midwest yesterday for my weekly u/s. The baby(I really need to come up with some kind of name) is doing well. He/she has a heartbeat of 167bpm and is measuring right on target at 9w. On the other news about my uterus-they only found 3 sacs so it looks like 2 of the mysterious sacs are gone! That is fantastic news!! In addition, one of the blood clots is gone!!! Woo-hoo. I am down to 1. So Dr. Midwest is very happy with my progress and so am I. I hope that this trend continues. Crossing my fingers...it feels nice to get some good news-even if they are really small victories--I will take it.

Other than this news, I found out this past Monday that I will be out of a job by the end of June. I am kind of sad and disappointed and I am still trying to get this information to sink in. It should not be a surprise since I've always known that this might not be a permanent gig, but still very disappointing. Plus with the current P the earliest I can really look for a job is probably February if I decide to do so. I still don't know what I will do. Sigh...

An unexpected trip

2008-03-10T10:20:00.002-04:00

Yesterday started fantastic. We decided to take B to the Children's Museum and we all had a great time. He crawled all over the place and played with puzzles, stackables and puppets. He tried to befriend some other babies..but we know that it is pretty hard to be really "friends" at his age. After the musuem we went out to lunch and he was flirting with a teenager! It was so cute...B is such a flirt- it is so funny to watch him! We went home put him down for a nap..he took a 2 hour nap--nice!! After his nap we played a little bit and decided to go out for pizza for dinner(with my P, I have no energy to make dinner and clean up lately..so we do a lot of take out and eating out!!). Dinner was good, we saw our neighboors there so we chatted a little bit. It took him a while to eat, but once he realized that it was pizza in front of him, he went for it. After dinner, we went home, I gave him a bath, and started the bedtime routine. But I think with the time change, he just wasn't ready for a nap yet, so he started crying and screaming in his room. I decided to go back and get him and let him play for a little bit...and this is when the trouble started.

I took him to the living room where S was. S was working on his computer sitting on the couch. I sat on the ottoman and I was trying to calm B down from his crying and just cuddling him. After a while he wanted to get down, so I put him down and he crawled up to his daddy. He is mesmerized with computers, cell phone--anything that he is not allowed to touch. S had the TV on and was watching 60 mi.nu.tes. I turned my back on B and I thought S was watching him. Apparently S was watching the TV--B turned around and attempted to walk towards the ottoman(he is starting to walk--he is taking 2-3 steps before he falls). He lost his balance and fell and hit his head on the ottoman!!! It was a really loud impact! He started screaming and I picked him up...then I noticed blood coming out of his eye!!! I started to panic...S ran to get towel. At this point I couldn't focus..we just went on automatic mode and put his jacket on and we were preparing to go to the ER!! At this point, I noticed that the blood wasn't coming out of his eye, but from a cut above his eye-this made me feel a little better. Thank god the ER is only a quarter mile from our house so we were there in no time. They checked us in and at this point B was calm and starting to smile and be himself again. The cut doesn't look so bad, but we wanted to get it checked out. The doctor finally saw us and he said it was a small laceration and he looked in his ear and everything looked fine. He gave us an option for a Cat-scan-he said that there is very little side effects-but it is up to us-he said B looks fine, but if we want the peace of mind we can do a scan to rule out everything. S and I talked it over and decided that it is better if we do it-to make sure that there are no neurological damages. The scan was horrilbe. They had to wrap him and secure his head and he was screaming the entire time!! He kept moving his head so it took a while to get the reading. Finally, the doctor came back and told us that everything is okay and there is nothing to worry about!! Phew! We went home and put him to bed and he seemed fine.

We were still very shaken up and mad at ourselves after B went down!! I mean this was something that we could have avoided!! I know I should stop beating myself up--especially he is a boy and this won't be the last time he will hurt himself. I don't think I will ever get used to it.

He woke up fine this morning-other than his black eye!! Poor little guy!!

New Day, Old News

2008-03-04T09:13:00.003-05:00

Went to visit my OB yesterday... I think I will give her the name Dr. Midwest-she grew up in the Midwest and lived in Chi.ca.go for about 10 years so we have a lot of things to talk about it. The u/s tech was really nice. She tried to do the traditional u/s, not the v-cam, but realized after seeing all the mysterious sacs that we had to do the v-cam. There is really nothing new to report. I still have 5 empty sacs, one of them is smaller than last time so Dr. Midwest said that this was a good thing. They are starting to disintegrate and this is what we want to see. Although this time I gained 1 additional hematoma-great-so I now have 2. I expect to at least have some bleeding or spotting since these hematoma needs to go somewhere. They are not very big so she doesn't require any bed rest or anything-but of course I am a little worried. The baby's heartbeat is165bpm, which is very good...but he/she is measuring at 7w6d-which is right on track of my due date of Oct. 15th. I was a little worried since the last time I went to Dr. W last week, the baby was measuring 7w4d. Dr. Midwest that this was not a concern and it is within the margin of error(which she told me was 7 days). The important thing was that the baby was growing-she would be concerned if their measurement was less than Dr. W from last week. So even though I was really worried about it, I have to trust her. There is so much uncertainty about what's going on inside me that I feel like I am walking on egg shells with this pregnancy. For now, I am not going to a specialist-I go back next week for another u/s.

As for p symptoms, not as much. Nothing sounds appetizing in terms of food, with my last p, at this point of my pregnancy I was puking every night(knock on wood). This time around, I feel nauseous but I haven't thrown up. Spr.ite seems to do the trick with making me feel better. Oh and the constipation is back..lovely. I am also tired all the time.

***warning child mentioned below***

On another note, I feel bad that I've neglected writing about B the last couple of months. He turned 14 months yesterday. My little boy is growing up so fast. I have some long overdue posts about him. Hopefully I will catch up this week.

So that's it...it is pretty much the same thing-still waiting and hoping that by next week, we start to see these mysterious sacs disappear...I so hope so.

Follow up

2008-02-28T10:32:00.003-05:00

Since we are dying to get some answers, S pulled some strings(okay more like begged) and was able to get me an appointment with an OB yesterday. I have to go to a new OB since we moved last summer and I have yet to pick a doctor. We were hoping that since they are the experts on pregnancy, that they will have some answers to our situation.

Well, that was very optimistic. I met my new doctor and she is really nice. I actually liked her a lot. She talked to Dr. W who did both of my u/s and he explained what he saw. Unfortunately she doesn't really have any other information for us other than what we already knew. My OB agrees with Dr. K that I should be monitored with a weekly u/s. I am scheduled for another one next Monday and she said that if the sacs are still there(I asked her how many Dr. W saw yesterday she said 5 so up by 1 sac from the first u/s), then she will refer me to a perintologist. Great. More poking. I guess I will take this if it means we can get some answers and solutions. She is hoping that they are just sacs that will dissolve on its own-I asked her how long it can take for this to happen. She said as long as twelve weeks. My next question was what happens if they are still there after 12 weeks-and her response was let us not go there yet. Okay..that didn't make me feel good.

So I decided that for now, I just have to focus on the one heartbeat and hope that he/she will keep growing. And maybe he/she can kick some a** and make the other mysterious sacs go away!!!

Lastly, thank you all so much for the support for the last couple of weeks. I don't know how I can get thru this without all you great ladies. You have no idea how much your encouraging words means to me. You guys are all rock stars!!

It doesn't get any easier

2008-02-26T16:23:00.002-05:00

More sacs or whatever you want to call them. I really don't know if they are sacs...at this point I started calling them circles. There are more than the four that we saw last time-I think I counted six this time. Dr. W really didn't want to give me any information-I think since he is not my doctor he doesn't want to give me any diagnosis-understandable. He mentioned hemorrhaging and that scared the crap out of me. There is still one heartbeat at 145 bpm-thank god. But it is so hard to enjoy this completely with this big unknown.

I finally heard from my clinic-and it is Dr. K and not the nurse-I don't find this a good sign. He said he can't tell what they are-they might be empty sacs or blood clots-like this is better-I don't even know what happens when you have a blood clot-does anyone know-will they even know? Since he said we only transferred 2 embryos, the likely hood that these are sacs are low-so pretty much he doesn't know what they are. Great...makes me feel good about the treatment we are getting. He wants me to go for an u/s every week until we get some answers. I asked if this will hurt the baby and he said no since they are all independent embryos. And at the end he says that let us hope that the baby keeps growing and what ever happens happens. This doesn't make me feel good at all.

So here I am, full of anxiety. I am trying to enjoy this P as much as I can, but it is very difficult given the situation. I've searched the int.ern.et and can't find any information. Maybe because I really don't even know what I am suppose to be searching for. Maybe if I can stop crying, I can think of the correct search words. Please..someone help us...

Sh*t they both split!!

2008-02-20T12:13:00.002-05:00

Dr. K's exact words. I can't believe this. I read about this issue all night last night and it does happen-an embryo splitting after the transfer. There are a few cases out there were 2 embryos were transferred and ending up with triplets. Favorite nurse actually said that they had a recent pregnancy with 2 embryos transferred and resulted into triplets.

So what do I do now...I go for another u/s on Tuesday. Favorite nurse said that it is a possibility that one of the 3 will develop a heartbeat...I guess anything is possible at this time. Or it may simply just be a blighted ovum and it will just pass itself. They really can't determine anything until we go for another u/s.

I am not sure how to really comprehend this or react to it. I am scared-I think the chances of being pregnant with quads are really really small, but of course I think about it. The sacs were empty...not even a fetal pole...so I think the chances of any of them being viable are really small. So here we go again...waiting for another week. As I said before the waiting is always the hardest part of this situation. I always thought after the u/s things get a little easier...well obviously not.