Dinner with Friends
Saturday night S and I went out to dinner with his friends from grad school. I've known about this dinner and I have been dreaded it since all of these couples have babies/toddlers and 2 out of the 4 are pregnant again with their second child...so I knew that the conversation was going to be about kids/babies/pregnancies.
Well it was worst than I thought. First of all, S friends were harassing him or joking around about him not having a job. The jokes were pretty low and I felt so sorry for S. I looked at him a couple of times and he was just smiling and joking right along with them. I on the other hand wanted to cry...I just wanted to give him a hug and let him know that it is okay and that we will get thru this. It makes me mad since they have no idea how hard it's been for him lately.
And then of course the conversation turned to the kids and if they are eating solid food now, and how they are getting up earlier since it is so sunny and bright earlier now that winter is over, if they are walking, their first words, etc. S knew that this was going to be very difficult for me....all of a sudden, as the conversation was going on, I felt his hand reach for my hand under the table and he held it and squeezed it the entire time. At one point I looked at him and he winked at me and smiled. I love him...I love him for loving me.....he is so selfless, he didn't focus on his friends making fun of him, all he wanted was for me to be comfortable and let me know that he is there for me and he will hold my hand to get thru this journey.
So Wednesday is beta day. I am playing with the idea of taking a pregnancy test at home. The last time I took a pregnancy test was my last month on clomid before I started seeing my RE. My IUI instructions book specifically states that I should not take a HPT before the 16th day of my cycle due to the HCG. A part of me wants to take the test so that I don't' have to sit in my cube on Wednesday and wait for my nurse to call with the result. If it is negative I will be devastated and I know I will cry in my cube, which I want to avoid since we get no privacy around here. I guess what is the worst that can happen:
The test is negative...I can cry in my own home and I will be able to pull my self together before I go to work
The test is false positive due to the HCG...I will be cautiously happy
The test is positive...but how will I know that it is positive and not false positive?
I guess this is why they tell you not to test until the 16th day.
This waiting is killing me...
Well it was worst than I thought. First of all, S friends were harassing him or joking around about him not having a job. The jokes were pretty low and I felt so sorry for S. I looked at him a couple of times and he was just smiling and joking right along with them. I on the other hand wanted to cry...I just wanted to give him a hug and let him know that it is okay and that we will get thru this. It makes me mad since they have no idea how hard it's been for him lately.
And then of course the conversation turned to the kids and if they are eating solid food now, and how they are getting up earlier since it is so sunny and bright earlier now that winter is over, if they are walking, their first words, etc. S knew that this was going to be very difficult for me....all of a sudden, as the conversation was going on, I felt his hand reach for my hand under the table and he held it and squeezed it the entire time. At one point I looked at him and he winked at me and smiled. I love him...I love him for loving me.....he is so selfless, he didn't focus on his friends making fun of him, all he wanted was for me to be comfortable and let me know that he is there for me and he will hold my hand to get thru this journey.
So Wednesday is beta day. I am playing with the idea of taking a pregnancy test at home. The last time I took a pregnancy test was my last month on clomid before I started seeing my RE. My IUI instructions book specifically states that I should not take a HPT before the 16th day of my cycle due to the HCG. A part of me wants to take the test so that I don't' have to sit in my cube on Wednesday and wait for my nurse to call with the result. If it is negative I will be devastated and I know I will cry in my cube, which I want to avoid since we get no privacy around here. I guess what is the worst that can happen:
The test is negative...I can cry in my own home and I will be able to pull my self together before I go to work
The test is false positive due to the HCG...I will be cautiously happy
The test is positive...but how will I know that it is positive and not false positive?
I guess this is why they tell you not to test until the 16th day.
This waiting is killing me...
posted by MoMo at 9:39 AM
3 Comments:
Nina,
16th day is this Saturday, I go for my beta this wednesday, so I will find out before the 16th day.
S. sounds like a REALLY good guy . . . I'm glad you have that kind of support.
One more day of waiting . . . hang in there!
Wishing you lot's of LUCK! I hope you get to whoop for joy in your cube!
I am so sorry that dinner with S's friends was so difficult. S sounds great. I am glad that he is there to comfort you when you need him. Hopefully, you'll be getting some good news of your own tomorrow!
Good luck!
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