Who said this was going to be easy??
Today was my third beta at 5w4d my HCG level is 11,205, progesterone is 65.5. Again, favorite nurse said it looks good.
I always thought that once you get P after suffering IF things will be easy peasy...well was I wrong! I worry all the time, and sometimes I wonder if I never had to suffer through IF if I would feel the same way. I try not to worry and think of all the bad things that can happen and I find it very difficult to do. The last two days, after I pull out my crinone suppository, I noticed pinkish blood on the applicator....it is really a small amount but of course I was worried. This happened last weekend also which caused me lots of panic so I had to call the doctor. He said that 30%-40% of their patients bleed during pregnancy and mine might just be an irritation of the cervix due to the crinone--of course this didn't stop me from following up with Dr. Google and I did find information that backs up his theory. So at my appointment this morning(since the same thing was happening again) for my blood draw, I spoke to the nurse and she said the same thing. (P.S. I was afraid to write about this because I was thinking that if I acknowledge it happening, I might actually start bleeding and not just this small smearing on my suppositories).
Then to top it all of...I am suffering from a really bad cold and sore throat!! Argh! And again, since I am an IF patient and very paranoid, I am afraid to take any medication because in my super paranoid mind, I am thinking that I might miscarry if I take any medication that is not necessary. So instead, I suffer and whine--I am out of control!
In the meantime, I try to find P signs to ease my mind. Once in a while I catch myself touching my tatas to make sure that they are still sore--which they are, but honestly I thought it was going to be 2x or 3x as sore. Once or twice this weekend, I thought I felt nauseated, but I think this was due to my cold/sore throat...so who knows. Oh and I have lots and lots of gas!! Lovely..
Unfortunately, I don't think that even if these things I am worrying about right now goes away, I will relax, instead, I will just find another thing to worry about--I don't think the anxiety and worrying will go away until I take home a baby. So for now I will wait for the u/s on the 12th, I am pretty sure with much worry and anxiety.
I always thought that once you get P after suffering IF things will be easy peasy...well was I wrong! I worry all the time, and sometimes I wonder if I never had to suffer through IF if I would feel the same way. I try not to worry and think of all the bad things that can happen and I find it very difficult to do. The last two days, after I pull out my crinone suppository, I noticed pinkish blood on the applicator....it is really a small amount but of course I was worried. This happened last weekend also which caused me lots of panic so I had to call the doctor. He said that 30%-40% of their patients bleed during pregnancy and mine might just be an irritation of the cervix due to the crinone--of course this didn't stop me from following up with Dr. Google and I did find information that backs up his theory. So at my appointment this morning(since the same thing was happening again) for my blood draw, I spoke to the nurse and she said the same thing. (P.S. I was afraid to write about this because I was thinking that if I acknowledge it happening, I might actually start bleeding and not just this small smearing on my suppositories).
Then to top it all of...I am suffering from a really bad cold and sore throat!! Argh! And again, since I am an IF patient and very paranoid, I am afraid to take any medication because in my super paranoid mind, I am thinking that I might miscarry if I take any medication that is not necessary. So instead, I suffer and whine--I am out of control!
In the meantime, I try to find P signs to ease my mind. Once in a while I catch myself touching my tatas to make sure that they are still sore--which they are, but honestly I thought it was going to be 2x or 3x as sore. Once or twice this weekend, I thought I felt nauseated, but I think this was due to my cold/sore throat...so who knows. Oh and I have lots and lots of gas!! Lovely..
Unfortunately, I don't think that even if these things I am worrying about right now goes away, I will relax, instead, I will just find another thing to worry about--I don't think the anxiety and worrying will go away until I take home a baby. So for now I will wait for the u/s on the 12th, I am pretty sure with much worry and anxiety.
posted by MoMo at 11:18 AM
18 Comments:
Things are looking good! I'm sending you happy baby thoughts!
To worry is natural. To worry after IF just shows that you understand and appreciate the complicated process that is getting and staying pregnant. However, those numbers look great and I am sure in 8 months from now we will all be looking at pictures of a beautiful, healthy baby!
I am praying for you and can't wait to hear about the ultrasound.
I am glad that things are going well. I think that all recovering infertiles go through fear and nervousness during pregnancy. It seems totally normal.
I hope things continue going great for you!
It sounds like everything is going well. I worried so much the first couple of weeks because my symptoms weren't nearly as bad as I had anticipated. I still get nervous, even though the m/s has been kicking my but for the past week & a half (since 7 1/2 wks). Even so, I don't think I'll stop worrying until the little one is in my arms. I know that the 19th seems like it is so far away. I'm hoping the time goes by quickly.
hugs,
Nikole
I understand why you feel worried, but know that we are all praying and wishing the best for you.
CONGRATULATIONS!
I think that worrying is normal. I'm always worried too. Every cramp scares the hell out of me and I swear I'm going to have a miscarriage again, but everyone keeps telling me that cramps are a part of a normal pregnancy too. It's hard to move on, and I probably won't until, like you said, I bring home a baby. So I totally understand how you feel, but your numbers are great! I'm so happy to hear that things are progressing well. I'm keeping everything crossed and I hope that all goes well with your ultrasound.
Good luck with the u/s. Yup you are right you will probably find something else to worry about. If can really suck the joy out of a PG.
Take care and take each day at a time and wishing you the best.
Such great news!!! Can't wait till hear each step of the way.
You took the words out of my mouth. I feel exactly the same. Every cramp is the beginning of the end in my mind and despite getting a reasonable beta yesterday, I'm still not super happy. I have to wait two weeks for the u/s, so maybe after that I will feel a bit more joy about this. At the moment any joy that might have been there has been replaced by terror that grips me each time I go to the bathroom. If you find some way of not worrying, please let me know.
Isn't it ironic? Everyone hates morning sickness yet if you don't have it, you're worried and start to look for signs of a promising yak! Everything sounds wonderful Mo---you are on your way to motherhood so enjoy the journey. Always thinking about you!
Kerrianne
Hi Mo,
I think that if you didn't worry, there would be something wrong with you:) Just kidding, but just know that what you are feeling is absolutely normal, seek support from your cyberfriends and real life family and enjoy your nine months and beyond (I know, I know- easier said than done)! I believe in you though and know that you can do it!!! Your numbers are so strong and I can't wait to see that little bean(s) posted on here:)
Things are looking good, and I completely understand your anxiety. This stuff is just really hard. I will be hoping very hard that your scan on 12 June is everything you could wish for.
The worry does seem normal for people after dealing with IF. You work so hard for something, the thought of losing it is cause for anxiety.
I hope you get some reassuring news on the 12th.
Momo, I hope you're feeling better today. Take care, and I hope you get some good, reassuring news on the 12th.
I'm glad things are going well! I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you. The second time I was pg, I was constantly paranoid and feeling my boobs like every 5 minutes, too. It's totally normal for those who've suffered IF or m/c. I hope those boobs keep hurting!
worrying is natural, it's true. but someone once told me this -and it makes a lot of sense: sometimes we worry because it makes us feel as if we're "actively" doing something about our situation. But worry is actually not productive, it doesn't change the situation, it's not the same thing as taking an action.
does that make sense? I may not be articulating it quite right. but basically, when i was in a very worrying state, i think it was because i felt that if i didn't worry, i wasn't "doing my part" in the situation i was in.
worrying is very uncomfortable and it doesn't actually accomplish anything.
p.s. also, i can't speak highly enough of my therapist and the work we've done together recently. have you considered...
I think the worry is natural - I can't imagine that I will be able to "just enjoy" my pregnancy if I get there, knowing what we all know. Things are looking good for you though!
I run a website that lists ttc, expecting, and new parent bloggers to help us all find one another. I have added your blog to the due date listings. If you would like for me to remove the link to your blog or if I need to correct any information, please do let me know.
My website is Babes in Blogland and my email address is my3monkeys at gmail dot com.
Thank you and congratulations!
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