Why Today is a Special Day
If someone asked me a year ago if I thought I was ever going to be a mother, I would have probably answered-"I am not sure and the way the cards are stacked up against us, it is not looking good." My feelings and emotions last year were so raw, and I could feel the pain of wanting to be a mother so bad. I kept thinking about the negative results, because a part of me didn't want to hope. Hope was painful, because I knew that at other side of hope was this pain and sorrow that only women who suffers from IF can relate to. That feeling that you get when you get a negative pregnancy result, or when IF visits the day before your beta. Maybe I didn't like to hope because I've been knocked down by it so many different times. I remember the days when IF would visit the day before beta and hoping that this old blood...and is not the real thing. Or hoping that the pregnancy test was taken too early, that maybe, just maybe if I wait another 2 days I will get a 2 lines. Hoping that the cramps I was feeling was implantation and not the impending period. I remember the days-- when I was in the thick of things, I held on to hope so tight, I didn't want to believe what was in front of me--because what was in front of me was too painful to accept--but after some time, I had to let go of hoping so much because it just became too painful and unbearable.
But look at me and S a year later, we have a beautiful baby boy. This was something that I thought was so unreachable for us. We are blessed and we are overjoyed. He is a handsome little boy with a big smile and big heart. Looking back now, every hope, pain and sorrow was worth it. I would do it all over again knowing what I have now. Our journey might be different from everyone, but it is just as special. Would I do it again? ABSOLUTELY!!! Having B in our life is the most amazing thing that ever happened to us. We won't trade it for anything. Having a child is the most intense love affair I have ever felt and I am willing to go thru all the heartache and pain all over again if it means that I can go thru this experience again.