Why Today is a Special Day
Wow...2 posts in one week! I know, I know...I've been pretty bad about posting..but working and taking care of a 4 month old is kicking my butt!! But I wanted to post today because today is a very special day. One year ago, S and I drove to the "big outside the city facility" for our retrieval. One year ago today, Dr. K retrieved 12 eggs..out of the 12 eggs 7 fertilized. We had a day 5 transfer, 2 beautiful embryos were transferred and 4 were frozen. And now, we are blessed with a beautiful baby boy!
If someone asked me a year ago if I thought I was ever going to be a mother, I would have probably answered-"I am not sure and the way the cards are stacked up against us, it is not looking good." My feelings and emotions last year were so raw, and I could feel the pain of wanting to be a mother so bad. I kept thinking about the negative results, because a part of me didn't want to hope. Hope was painful, because I knew that at other side of hope was this pain and sorrow that only women who suffers from IF can relate to. That feeling that you get when you get a negative pregnancy result, or when IF visits the day before your beta. Maybe I didn't like to hope because I've been knocked down by it so many different times. I remember the days when IF would visit the day before beta and hoping that this old blood...and is not the real thing. Or hoping that the pregnancy test was taken too early, that maybe, just maybe if I wait another 2 days I will get a 2 lines. Hoping that the cramps I was feeling was implantation and not the impending period. I remember the days-- when I was in the thick of things, I held on to hope so tight, I didn't want to believe what was in front of me--because what was in front of me was too painful to accept--but after some time, I had to let go of hoping so much because it just became too painful and unbearable.
But look at me and S a year later, we have a beautiful baby boy. This was something that I thought was so unreachable for us. We are blessed and we are overjoyed. He is a handsome little boy with a big smile and big heart. Looking back now, every hope, pain and sorrow was worth it. I would do it all over again knowing what I have now. Our journey might be different from everyone, but it is just as special. Would I do it again? ABSOLUTELY!!! Having B in our life is the most amazing thing that ever happened to us. We won't trade it for anything. Having a child is the most intense love affair I have ever felt and I am willing to go thru all the heartache and pain all over again if it means that I can go thru this experience again.
If someone asked me a year ago if I thought I was ever going to be a mother, I would have probably answered-"I am not sure and the way the cards are stacked up against us, it is not looking good." My feelings and emotions last year were so raw, and I could feel the pain of wanting to be a mother so bad. I kept thinking about the negative results, because a part of me didn't want to hope. Hope was painful, because I knew that at other side of hope was this pain and sorrow that only women who suffers from IF can relate to. That feeling that you get when you get a negative pregnancy result, or when IF visits the day before your beta. Maybe I didn't like to hope because I've been knocked down by it so many different times. I remember the days when IF would visit the day before beta and hoping that this old blood...and is not the real thing. Or hoping that the pregnancy test was taken too early, that maybe, just maybe if I wait another 2 days I will get a 2 lines. Hoping that the cramps I was feeling was implantation and not the impending period. I remember the days-- when I was in the thick of things, I held on to hope so tight, I didn't want to believe what was in front of me--because what was in front of me was too painful to accept--but after some time, I had to let go of hoping so much because it just became too painful and unbearable.
But look at me and S a year later, we have a beautiful baby boy. This was something that I thought was so unreachable for us. We are blessed and we are overjoyed. He is a handsome little boy with a big smile and big heart. Looking back now, every hope, pain and sorrow was worth it. I would do it all over again knowing what I have now. Our journey might be different from everyone, but it is just as special. Would I do it again? ABSOLUTELY!!! Having B in our life is the most amazing thing that ever happened to us. We won't trade it for anything. Having a child is the most intense love affair I have ever felt and I am willing to go thru all the heartache and pain all over again if it means that I can go thru this experience again.
posted by MoMo at 9:40 AM
7 Comments:
What a wonderful post. You are truely lucky and everything sounds to be wonderful. I have since day one of ART dreamt of writing a post like this. I hope I will some day, but am so glad that you did. That gives lots of hope.
Hugs.
It is a special day! I am so happy that everything has worked out so well. You deserve it!
I love this post! And I can almost relate. I am close to feeling the same way (but I am still a little anxious until he actually gets here!)
Just stopping over to say Happy Mother's Day!!! Great post!
Glad to hear things are going so well!
What a great post, I'm SO happy everything worked out for you in the end, after all the trials and tribulations!
And happy belated Mother's Day!!
:-)
I can relate completely...we were only a couple of weeks apart this time last year, and I feel exactly the same. Mother's day was a special day knowing what we went through to get where we are. Great to hear that things are going well for you.
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