Full Term??

According to a website that calculates IVF due dates(which is based on retrieval date), I should be full term today, but according to my doctor's calculation Wednesday is the magic number. So who knows? As you can see in my ticker, I should be full term tomorrow--I picked that date since it is right in the middle of the 2 due dates. The one thing that is for sure is that I have been pregnant longer with this baby compared to my pregnancy with B (I gave birth at 35w6d).

So far everything is going well. I saw the doctor last Thursday and so far nothing is going on down there. Cervix is long and close and not dilated at all. My doctor sent me to the hospital to get a stress test-she was not satisfied with the baby's movement in the u/s, plus I mentioned that the baby is not as active as it used to be-everything is okay. Plus I found out that since I had a pre-term labor before, my muscles didn't really stretch that much, hence I won't feel as much movement with this baby. Huh...who would have thought?? So I go back this Friday I guess at this point we will just take it on a day by day basis. It is kind of weird being in this situation-since B came so early, everything just went in a flash when the birth happened. To say that we were a little unprepared back then is an understatement. Now here we are just sitting and waiting--it is a very weird feeling.

B on the other hand have been really clingy the last week or so. I heard an old wife's tale that if your child is very clingy that labor is just around the corner--who know if this is really true! He just wants mommy all the time. He cries for me at bedtime-which never happened before and won't let S do anything for him. It's very sweet, but when you are as big as a house a little break would be nice. I am starting to get worried about how he will react with a new baby in the house. We've tried to prepare him about the baby--but let's be realistic, how can you really prepare a 20 month old? They understand what a baby is, but nothing really beyond that.

This is it for now...sorry for the boring post, but I will keep you guys posted.

Is there such a thing as equal parenting?

This is a post long overdue. I've been meaning to write about this for a long time, but I just don't have the energy to do it. Mainly because I don't want to seem like I am complaining or whining, especially after what we went through to have children. But as the due date of baby boy #2 approaches, I see myself getting scared and worried about this situation.

You see, S is a workaholic. Which means that for most of the week, B doesn't see S. S leaves before he gets up in the morning and is well in bed by the time he gets home. The funny thing is that I was always drawn to someone who had a lot of drive and ambition. Maybe it is because I was so driven back then too, therefore I seek out people like me. When we were dating, S would always work late-in the beginning of our relationship we worked at the same firm and I used to make fun of him for turning off the lights. After 5 months of dating, he moved to NYC and his hours just got worst. And it hasn't really changed since then. When we got married, it started to bother me a little bit-there were times that he would get home at 1 am and get up at 5 am and go back to the grind. Yes I know that this is the extreme-and he was working on a major project during this time. We talked about it back then and I reminded him that things needs to change once we have children, and of course his response was that he is working this hard now so that he will have the freedom and flexibility when the time comes-i.e children.

Now that we have B things are somewhat different, but not by much. He still works a lot-he is in an industry where putting in 70-80 hours a week is not unheard of--some junior people are expected to put in 100 hours a week if you can believe that!! B is at that age where he looks for daddy and realizes when he doesn't see him the entire day. He starts to whine for daddy towards the end of the day. And I know that S feels bad about it, but he keeps telling me that he is trying to do his best and it is just the nature of the industry. And since I am no longer working, I know that he feels that pressure of doing better at work-we don't have that security anymore of the double income.

A lot of times I feel like I am a single mom-especially on weekdays. It is not so bad with 1 child-unless of course you are 8 months pregnant, but I know this is temporary. But I am really scared of what it would be like when I have to juggle a newborn and a toddler. Who do you tend to first? What do you do with one child when you are bathing the other or when you are putting one to bed? How about meal times? Since they are different ages at this time they are both going to have different routines. I remember the first few weeks with B when I was so darn tired and could barely keep my eyes open and all I had to worry about was him-but now I have a toddler who is full of energy. I know that it's been done before and I know a lot of women who does it on a daily basis--come to think of it my situation is probably better since S doesn't travel that much. I have a friend whose DH is a consul ant and is on the road Monday thru Thursday--talk about big time crapiness.

When I was single, I always thought that once I got married I will find a partner in life who will share parenting with me 50/50. I figured my future husband will be this person who will be as invested in parenting as I was--who will truly take on 50% of the responsibility. I figured we would share all responsibility-but that would not be the case. Even when I was working, I still took on most of the parenting. When B was in daycare, I did the drop off and the pick up all the time. I had to re-arrange my schedule every time he was sick and had to stay home. Due to S's schedule it just wasn't possible for him to share these responsibilities. I came to realize that I had a good paying job, but at the end of the day and one of us has to quit our jobs to take care of the children, it will be me who will have to quit since I don't make nearly as much as S and I can probably find a new job quicker than him-sad but true. When I was still working and B was in daycare, weekdays were super crazy. I had to run out of the office to pick him up. Prepare his dinner, feed him, bath him and put him to bed. I felt like I was chicken without a head running around for a couple of hours.

So here I am awaiting baby #2. Scared of what lies ahead and how to do it all. I can't even imagine what life will be like if and when I decide to go back to work. As I said, I know a lot of wonderful mothers who do it, I guess I just need to dive into and figure it out. I have 2 choices, sink or swim and I am determined to swim.

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I am currently 35w2d. B was born when I was 35w6d. If history repeats itself, I could possibly have this baby 4 days. I am hoping this is not the case--I am hoping and praying that this baby stays in a little longer. Cross your fingers.

Random Stuff

Not much going on around here...still P-34 weeks and counting. I've been feeling very tired lately, but I guess that comes with the territory. Sleeping is a little bit of a challenge. I really can't find a comfortable position and I go to the bathroom like every 45 minutes! Not fun at all. This past weekend, 2 people looked at me and said I was ready to pop. Gee thanks, guys. I thought I was looking pretty good--as of last check up my weight gain is on the low side-12 pounds. But I guess my stomach is just huge-one of those in your face type thing. I feel much bigger than when I was P with B, but I think a part of this is that I just really can't remember how huge I was back then.
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B's been having problems with pooping lately. He is chronically constipated. Yes, fun stuff. A few weeks ago I called the doctor b/c I just felt so bad for him. When he is trying to poop, and it is right there just trying to come up, he cries and cries b/c he can't push it out. Sorry for TMI. And he refuses to walk or do anything--all he wants is for Mama to hold him. Sometimes he can manage to push it out on his own-but this is after lots of crying and grunting and pushing. But we've had times where I had to put a suppository up there. I feel so bad every time I do it-but it works. After a few minutes he manages to get a bowel movement. I feel so bad for the little guy. I've tried everything, we've been loading him up with fiber and it works for a few days then then eventually he is back to being constipated. He hardly drinks milk as it is-he really doesn't like it-we are lucky if he will drink 10 oz a day! I talked to my doctor about this, since the minimum they want to see is 15 oz-but since he is always constipated, she said that if he gets 12 oz a day it should be sufficient. We don't even get to 12 oz, but I try not to worry about it since I know milk doesn't help his situation. I just hope he outgrows this.
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B turns 20 months tomorrow. I can't believe it! He is so much more vocal now-although half the time we have no idea what he is saying. He tries to imitate every thing you say--he has a few words like baby, car, park, sit teeth etc-but most of the time he can only say 1 syllable. He will say "sh for shoes or ma for monkey". It is very cute. At the same time we are entering the world of terrible twos! The little guy thinks that he rules the world and if he doesn't get his way we get lots and lots of crying and whining. We have some really bad days sometimes, where we just fight with him all day long. S's wants to push his bedtime to 8 pm vs. 7:30 pm so that he can get more time to play with him after work, but 2 weeks ago, after spending the entire day with B- S looked at me and said "sorry for suggesting a later bedtime, now I realize it's not if he can stay up that late, but it's more for you-after a full day of this I can see why that half hour is critical to keep your sanity!" Amen!
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I don't think I've ever mentioned our landlord on this blog-she is this really sweet 80 year old lady. Sometimes when I call her I am not sure if she is all together there or if she remembers our conversation. I called her last week about an issue with our bathroom. We started talking and she asked me how I was feeling. I said I was okay. She said she was hoping that I was having a girl and I told her we were having a boy--her response was "oh don't worry dear, they can change their mind later!!" I was cracking up! The funny thing was that she said this 2x without even blinking. I told S and we just both started laughing-at least she is very open minded!!
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I guess this is all for now. I am getting a massage tomorrow-which I am excited about. I still have to purchase a stroller--boo hoo. I am so torn about which one to buy and it's not like they will come out with the perfect double stroller in the next month or so! I should just go ahead and bite the bullet. If this baby decides to pull a B, we might be going into labor in less than 2 weeks!! I am hoping and praying that this is not the case. I have an appointment on Thursday and I am hopeful that the cervix is still nice and long! Cross your fingers!