Happy 2nd Birthday B and 3 months update

Sorry it's been so long--I don't even know if anyone out there is still reading this blog. But Happy New Year to all and I hope everyone had a good holiday season.

Happy Birthday B!!! B turned 2 this past Saturday-Jan. 3!!!! I can't believe that this little 5 lbs 15 oz baby 2 years ago is now 2 and is talking and ruling our house! He now weighs 27.1 lbs and 34 3/4 inches! That little peanut is now a big boy!! It is amazing how much he has grown and we are enjoying reliving childhood all over again with him. He learned how to say Merry Christmas by saying "merry crissy!" or "sassa" for santa or "happy new ear" for Happy New year! He is talking 2 word sentences now, which is just amazing. It was hard to imagine this when just last year at this time he can't even say "mama". He is obsessed about writing and pens. He loves to color/scribble and this will keep him entertained for at least an hour. Another obsession is the vacuum cleaner. Due to this obsession, my parents gave him a vacuum cleaner for Christmas and it was a hit!! He plays with that thing for hours!!! And when we take out the real vacuum he loves to mimic us! Oh and the mimicking!! We really need to watch what we say around him now since he loves to repeat what we say. It is hilarious and scary at the same time. The last couple of weeks he started talking about his teachers and school so I think he is getting the "school thing" and he is enjoying it a lot! He remembers all his classmates and what they did in school that day--it is really amazing to watch him go thru all this transition. He is also in the world of the terrible 2's..but that requires an entire post to itself...plus it is his b-day so I we will give him a pass this time and not talk about this at all.

O is doing great! At his 10 week appointment he weighed 12 lbs and 22 1/2 inches long! He is starting to coo and he laughs a lot. He is a very laid back-sometimes I feel guilty because he can sit on the bouncy for hours and not complain. He enjoys it when someone talks to him..I think he wouldn't mind if someone talks to him all day! He gets this from S's mom which is cute for now, but I don't think it will be very cute down the road!! He hates tummy time...oh does he hate it! We try it everyday and if we are lucky if we can get him to do it for about 2 minutes. His head is getting somewhat flat in the back, which concerns me a lot. I've talked to our doctor about it and she said it is okay and normal. It is not severe where he will need a helmet, it will eventually correct itself once he starts getting more mobile. I hope this is true and we are trying to get him off his back more, but it is hard at this age since they sleep so much! ARGH!! He is such a sweet little boy and everyday I can't believe we got lucky 2x-we are very thankful for all of our blessings. I am still pumping and feeding. When I started this ritual again, I told myself I will take it one day at a time--and I was hoping I can last until he was 6 weeks old--I am surprise I am still doing it and he is already 15 weeks old! I don't know how much longer I will do this and I feel good the way things worked out.

I need to write about trying to find a job or the lack of job out there. It is very frustrating and scary--but that is for another post.

Sorry for being gone so long again..but I will really try harder this year!

Finally a post

Sorry it took me so long to get back to posting. To say that it's been a little hectic around here is an understatement. O turned 6 weeks old last Tuesday and so far we are all doing well. A little tired and sleep deprived, but well otherwise. Life with a toddler and a newborn is hard, but hard in a different way compared to just having a newborn. With B, I was so paranoid and not having any idea what to do with a baby made it such a challenge. Now with O, you know what to expect so a newborn is not as overwhelming. But the challenge is trying to juggle a toddler and a newborn. You forget how often a newborn eats and asking your toddler to wait 45 minutes or so is almost impossible. 45 minutes for them is like an eternity. Having both children cry is something that you have to just accept and get used to. To date I still get frazzled but I keep telling myself that I can't be at the same place at the same time--and I have to admit that it is very hard for me to pick one child over the other--trying to figure out who needs me more. I feel like my days are comprised of feeding. I realized after first few days that I have to schedule O's feeding around B's schedule. Since I really can't feed both kids at the same time(more on the feeding later). Overall, B's been really good with O. He loves him to pieces..he loves to kiss him and constantly calls him his baby. It is super cute.

Now on feeding...I have low supply. Not that this is a surprise, it was the same story with B-even with this knowledge, I still had a hard time accepting it. I refused to pump the first couple of weeks--I think it is because I spent so much time with the darn pump with B. But when it was evident that my supply was really low-not enough to feed O the entire day-I realized that I need to pump or abandoned the entire idea of breast feeding. At the end of the day, the pump won. As much as I couldn't even look at that pump and was so angry for a long time, I took it out and started using it again. I pump 8 times a day..I know I like to torture myself. I still have to supplement with formula. O gets 21 oz of breast milk a day and 8 oz of formula. This is so much better from when we started. With B I was able to give him all bm after 10 weeks I think so I know I will get to that point with O where we don't have to supplement with formula--but I am not sure if I will still be doing this in 10 weeks. Our nanny is still here so this helps a lot. I can pump while she feeds O and the feeding regiment is not such a long ordeal for B. I don't think I can do this without her--it will just be impossible to pump and feed while trying to take care of B at the same time. I am taking it a week at a time and every succesful week of pumping is a victory. I know deep in my heart that I tried my best for my children, not just O, but for both of them, and this is something I can happily lived with.

B is doing well. He is getting his molars right now and it is just a b***h!! He is so congested and today he had a slight fever. He is not sleeping thru the night. Which is very painful--I've been functioning on about 2 hours of sleep the last couple of nights. I finally gave him motrin last night and that worked wonders! He slept until 6 am this morning!!! He continues to amazes us everyday!! His vocabulary is exploding..he just turned 22 months! He is learning so many new words every day. I look at him and I can't believe how grown up he is. It is hard to imagine that at one point he was as small as O. Everyday it seems like he is taller and bigger. I know that in a few months I will be having conversations with him and this just blows my mind away.

This is all for now. I promise not to let another 6 weeks go by without posting--besides I have way too much stuff to write about!

He's Here

Sorry I took me so long to post this...I've been kind of busy.

Just want to let everyone know that Baby Boy #2 arrived last Tuesday. He was born at 6:26 pm weighing at 5 lbs 13 oz and is 19 inches long. Labor was very quick. I will post the story when I have more time. For now, we are all doing well. B loves his baby brother and walks around the house saying "baby, baby, baby". I hope this continues, but I am afraid the nostalgia will wear off in the next couple of weeks. Breast feeding is a struggle--again another post I need to write about.

For now, here's a picture for you guys. Thanks for all the well wishes.

Full Term??

According to a website that calculates IVF due dates(which is based on retrieval date), I should be full term today, but according to my doctor's calculation Wednesday is the magic number. So who knows? As you can see in my ticker, I should be full term tomorrow--I picked that date since it is right in the middle of the 2 due dates. The one thing that is for sure is that I have been pregnant longer with this baby compared to my pregnancy with B (I gave birth at 35w6d).

So far everything is going well. I saw the doctor last Thursday and so far nothing is going on down there. Cervix is long and close and not dilated at all. My doctor sent me to the hospital to get a stress test-she was not satisfied with the baby's movement in the u/s, plus I mentioned that the baby is not as active as it used to be-everything is okay. Plus I found out that since I had a pre-term labor before, my muscles didn't really stretch that much, hence I won't feel as much movement with this baby. Huh...who would have thought?? So I go back this Friday I guess at this point we will just take it on a day by day basis. It is kind of weird being in this situation-since B came so early, everything just went in a flash when the birth happened. To say that we were a little unprepared back then is an understatement. Now here we are just sitting and waiting--it is a very weird feeling.

B on the other hand have been really clingy the last week or so. I heard an old wife's tale that if your child is very clingy that labor is just around the corner--who know if this is really true! He just wants mommy all the time. He cries for me at bedtime-which never happened before and won't let S do anything for him. It's very sweet, but when you are as big as a house a little break would be nice. I am starting to get worried about how he will react with a new baby in the house. We've tried to prepare him about the baby--but let's be realistic, how can you really prepare a 20 month old? They understand what a baby is, but nothing really beyond that.

This is it for now...sorry for the boring post, but I will keep you guys posted.

Is there such a thing as equal parenting?

This is a post long overdue. I've been meaning to write about this for a long time, but I just don't have the energy to do it. Mainly because I don't want to seem like I am complaining or whining, especially after what we went through to have children. But as the due date of baby boy #2 approaches, I see myself getting scared and worried about this situation.

You see, S is a workaholic. Which means that for most of the week, B doesn't see S. S leaves before he gets up in the morning and is well in bed by the time he gets home. The funny thing is that I was always drawn to someone who had a lot of drive and ambition. Maybe it is because I was so driven back then too, therefore I seek out people like me. When we were dating, S would always work late-in the beginning of our relationship we worked at the same firm and I used to make fun of him for turning off the lights. After 5 months of dating, he moved to NYC and his hours just got worst. And it hasn't really changed since then. When we got married, it started to bother me a little bit-there were times that he would get home at 1 am and get up at 5 am and go back to the grind. Yes I know that this is the extreme-and he was working on a major project during this time. We talked about it back then and I reminded him that things needs to change once we have children, and of course his response was that he is working this hard now so that he will have the freedom and flexibility when the time comes-i.e children.

Now that we have B things are somewhat different, but not by much. He still works a lot-he is in an industry where putting in 70-80 hours a week is not unheard of--some junior people are expected to put in 100 hours a week if you can believe that!! B is at that age where he looks for daddy and realizes when he doesn't see him the entire day. He starts to whine for daddy towards the end of the day. And I know that S feels bad about it, but he keeps telling me that he is trying to do his best and it is just the nature of the industry. And since I am no longer working, I know that he feels that pressure of doing better at work-we don't have that security anymore of the double income.

A lot of times I feel like I am a single mom-especially on weekdays. It is not so bad with 1 child-unless of course you are 8 months pregnant, but I know this is temporary. But I am really scared of what it would be like when I have to juggle a newborn and a toddler. Who do you tend to first? What do you do with one child when you are bathing the other or when you are putting one to bed? How about meal times? Since they are different ages at this time they are both going to have different routines. I remember the first few weeks with B when I was so darn tired and could barely keep my eyes open and all I had to worry about was him-but now I have a toddler who is full of energy. I know that it's been done before and I know a lot of women who does it on a daily basis--come to think of it my situation is probably better since S doesn't travel that much. I have a friend whose DH is a consul ant and is on the road Monday thru Thursday--talk about big time crapiness.

When I was single, I always thought that once I got married I will find a partner in life who will share parenting with me 50/50. I figured my future husband will be this person who will be as invested in parenting as I was--who will truly take on 50% of the responsibility. I figured we would share all responsibility-but that would not be the case. Even when I was working, I still took on most of the parenting. When B was in daycare, I did the drop off and the pick up all the time. I had to re-arrange my schedule every time he was sick and had to stay home. Due to S's schedule it just wasn't possible for him to share these responsibilities. I came to realize that I had a good paying job, but at the end of the day and one of us has to quit our jobs to take care of the children, it will be me who will have to quit since I don't make nearly as much as S and I can probably find a new job quicker than him-sad but true. When I was still working and B was in daycare, weekdays were super crazy. I had to run out of the office to pick him up. Prepare his dinner, feed him, bath him and put him to bed. I felt like I was chicken without a head running around for a couple of hours.

So here I am awaiting baby #2. Scared of what lies ahead and how to do it all. I can't even imagine what life will be like if and when I decide to go back to work. As I said, I know a lot of wonderful mothers who do it, I guess I just need to dive into and figure it out. I have 2 choices, sink or swim and I am determined to swim.

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I am currently 35w2d. B was born when I was 35w6d. If history repeats itself, I could possibly have this baby 4 days. I am hoping this is not the case--I am hoping and praying that this baby stays in a little longer. Cross your fingers.