My Kind of Town

Chi.ca.go...yes...that is my kind of town. This Sunday S, B and I are packing up and driving to Conn. to start a new adventure. I know I've talked about it before, but S accepted a new job in the city that never sleeps and this means we have to move.

I will miss this town a lot. I've lived here since 1994 and made a lot of friends since that time. I will miss the lake front, especially on a really nice day. I will miss the food-pizza and hot dog to name a few. As you all know there is nothing like the Chicago hot dog!!! I will miss the fact that all I have to do is walk outside and there are stores, restaurants and bars right at my doorsteps. And the cubs...or my cubs. We lived 5 blocks away from Wrigley and this was something we really enjoyed. I will miss hearing the crowd sing take me out to the ball.game out on our deck....I will miss going to a nearby bar watching the game and feeling like I am at the stadium since we are so close. Although I have to admit that I won't miss fighting for a parking spot during game days. And downtown..I've always loved the downtown area since it is concentrated in one area it is very easy to walk from one point to the next. I can always run errands during lunch time.

But most of all, I will miss all my friends and family. We've made some really good friends in this town and sometimes it is hard to imagine that we will be able to find such close friends again in a new city. I know we will and it will just take some time--but I keep thinking that our friends here are hard to match. And family...I don't even know where to begin. It is nice to have family connection--even though our parents and siblings are not here, having aunts and uncles here really makes a huge difference. They've been so wonderful--they were always there for us. Not having any family at all in Conn scares me.

So with a very heavy heart, I say goodbye to this beautiful city, to all our family and friends. I hope someday we will find a way to come back, but for now I will bid goodbye and hold everything close to my heart!

Why Today is a Special Day

Wow...2 posts in one week! I know, I know...I've been pretty bad about posting..but working and taking care of a 4 month old is kicking my butt!! But I wanted to post today because today is a very special day. One year ago, S and I drove to the "big outside the city facility" for our retrieval. One year ago today, Dr. K retrieved 12 eggs..out of the 12 eggs 7 fertilized. We had a day 5 transfer, 2 beautiful embryos were transferred and 4 were frozen. And now, we are blessed with a beautiful baby boy!

If someone asked me a year ago if I thought I was ever going to be a mother, I would have probably answered-"I am not sure and the way the cards are stacked up against us, it is not looking good." My feelings and emotions last year were so raw, and I could feel the pain of wanting to be a mother so bad. I kept thinking about the negative results, because a part of me didn't want to hope. Hope was painful, because I knew that at other side of hope was this pain and sorrow that only women who suffers from IF can relate to. That feeling that you get when you get a negative pregnancy result, or when IF visits the day before your beta. Maybe I didn't like to hope because I've been knocked down by it so many different times. I remember the days when IF would visit the day before beta and hoping that this old blood...and is not the real thing. Or hoping that the pregnancy test was taken too early, that maybe, just maybe if I wait another 2 days I will get a 2 lines. Hoping that the cramps I was feeling was implantation and not the impending period. I remember the days-- when I was in the thick of things, I held on to hope so tight, I didn't want to believe what was in front of me--because what was in front of me was too painful to accept--but after some time, I had to let go of hoping so much because it just became too painful and unbearable.

But look at me and S a year later, we have a beautiful baby boy. This was something that I thought was so unreachable for us. We are blessed and we are overjoyed. He is a handsome little boy with a big smile and big heart. Looking back now, every hope, pain and sorrow was worth it. I would do it all over again knowing what I have now. Our journey might be different from everyone, but it is just as special. Would I do it again? ABSOLUTELY!!! Having B in our life is the most amazing thing that ever happened to us. We won't trade it for anything. Having a child is the most intense love affair I have ever felt and I am willing to go thru all the heartache and pain all over again if it means that I can go thru this experience again.

4 months

B turned 4 months yesterday!! Wow...time flies. I remember not long ago when he only weighed 5 pds 8oz...it felt like I was carrying a doll! Now he is a whopping 13 pds 6 oz and 25 1/2 long!!! For a preemie he is catching up pretty well! Here are the highlights for 4 months..

-He can now hold up his head!!!! This was very exciting for us--I've been waiting and waiting for this to happen. Since he was a preemie--we thought he won't be able to do this until his 5th month--so we where really happy when he did it at 3 1/2 months!

-He likes to be entertained. He loves to coo...he cries if you walk away from him! Once you start talking to him..he is all smiles and all coos! I think he will be a talker like his grandmothers...you guys know that vol.vo commercial with the little girl who talks and talks...that's going to be my B!

-He goes to bed between 8 and 8:30 and we don't' hear from him again until 6-7 in the morning!!! Woo-hoo!! Once you get pass the 2-3 hour feeding at night time, life with a baby becomes a little easier. It is amazing how a few additional hours of sleep makes a huge difference.

-He is more interested in objects--especially in the last couple of weeks. You can put a toy in front of him and you can actually get a reaction.

-He got the green light to eat cereal, smashed bananas, avocados, peaches etc! It is very exciting. I haven't tried it yet since S is out of town and I want to do it when he is here...so this might be a big weekend for B!

-For some reason he only poops every 3 or 4 days. I asked the doctor about this and she said is normal as long as he is not throwing up or sick. I am used to it now, but the first couple of weeks, I was a psycho about poop. I would keep checking his diaper for poop and would talk and beg him to poop!

-He got his first cold a week before we went to Hawaii. That was traumatic for me...I am pretty sure it didn't even bother him. I insisted to take him to the doctor's office--he was fine, he got over the cold in a week. Mom on the other hand was not fine--I was the one who gave him the
cold so I was feeling the mommy guilt.

Speaking of Hawaii....our trip was fantastic! We went for my dad's retirement. B did so well on the plane--9 hour trip. Everyone around us was commenting how good he was and that they didn't realize there was a baby. B rocked! The hardest part was getting thru security! But once you get pass that, it wasn't so bad.

I am still pumping..I thought I would be done by now, but for some reason, I keep doing it. Maybe because I see how much B enjoys it...he is a really good eater, or maybe I am just stubborn and stopping makes me think that I am a quitter. I know that this is not true, but I feel so guilty whenever I think I want to quit. I originally gave myself 3 months, now I just finished 4 months and I am trying to see if I can do it for 6 months! I know I am crazy and I like to torture myself.

Speaking of pumping, I managed to pump on the plain!!! 2x on the way there and once coming back! I opted not to use my double breast pump since it makes a lot of noise, instead I used a manual pump with the aid of a nursing cover in attempt to hide what I was doing! It worked! I have to admit, it hurt and took a long time. I had to pump for a couple of reasons...one, my tatas was going to explode if I didn't pump and secondly, I didn't want my supply to go down. So I was determined to do it...I figured, I won't see these people again so I just have to do what I have to do!

I hope everyone is doing well...I need to catch up on all your blogs I am hoping that I can slowly start reading up on everyone again!